


Monster on the Border

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-17
Updated: 2009-03-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 02:41:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7783609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s a monster under the bed.... FOR REALS.  <br/>Warnings: just some non-graphic masturbation and a little molestation, but if that bugs you....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monster on the Border

**Author's Note:**

> The monster is my buddy [Teratomarty](http://teratomarty.tumblr.com/)

Charles was awakened by his phone. Seeing that it was Toki, he answered it with a sigh. “There’s a MONSTER under my bed! It’s goings to gets me!”   
“Toki, there’s no monster. You just had a bad dream. Go back to sleep.”  
“No, it’s REALS, I heard it, I saw it!”  
Charles, realizing he would get no peace until he proved there was no monster, gave in. “Fine Toki, I’ll be there in a minute.” He threw on his robe and headed for Toki’s room.

Toki was sitting in the middle of the bed with his knees drawn up to his chin. He pointed wordlessly. Much to his surprise, Charles saw something move under the bed. Instantly on alert, he moved in to see what it was. All he could make out was a vague humanoid shape. Then as he watched, it flickered and disappeared. Oh just great, monsters were real. Well on second thought, after the lake troll, this wasn’t really all that shocking.

Charles studied the security footage. There wasn’t a very good under the bed angle, but he could still see the thing appear and disappear. Being a man of action, he collected some motion activated spare security cameras and quietly set them up pointing underneath every bandmember’s bed. He had to find out if this was an isolated incident or a real threat. Also, was it just Toki, or were they all at risk? After getting Toki settled on his couch (since he refused to go back to bed), Charles finally got some sleep.

The next morning, he reviewed the new footage. The monster had appeared two more times that night, under Skwisgaar’s bed and then under Murderface’s. He began researching to figure out what was happening here. Finally, he found an obscure little passage that seemed to fit:  
 _A “monster on the border” is a person who lives very close to the edge of existence. He or she will often develop the ability to cross over briefly, in the form of a not quite human “monster”. Monsters most commonly appear in closets or under beds, and usually cannot move from that location. Research shows that monsters are drawn to certain thoughts that they feed on, this is how they are summoned. If you can locate the doorway through which they gained their power, it may be possible to track them to their human source._

Charles questioned Toki first, since he was right there. “Toki, do you remember what you were dreaming about right before the monster came?” Toki blushed miserably. “Toki, this is really important. I need to know.” Toki hid his face, “Skwisgaar. He tells me my playing is dildos, then he... kisses me.”   
Charles questioned the other two privately as well, and became convinced that they had a homoerotic monster. Now to find the doorway....

The monster kept reappearing, it had now been under all their beds at some point, and more than once. Charles had even heard it under his own, although it vanished again quickly. Unfortunately the cameras were unable to capture more than a vague darkness, it seems it had some sort of magic that protected it from them. Charles had seen it much clearer in person, if only for a moment. So, since the cameras were no real use, he removed them.

After remotely examining all their browser histories (yes, he can do that) Charles had found one site that kept popping up. Something called “sausage festival.” Well that definitely sounded homoerotic, could this be the door he was looking for? He started reading. Hmm, could it even be possible that his monster was merely a fan girl? He need to find out more about it to be sure. For this he needed Pickles, the only one he felt would be willing to do what he asked and not freak out in the process.

Pickles listened to his proposal. “So let me get this straight: You want me to lay on my bed and think gay thoughts to summon this monster so I can spy on it for you?” Charles nodded, “Yes, that’s pretty much it. Will you do it?”   
“Sure, what the hell. Although I think it’s kinda rude that you just _assume_ I can think gay thoughts.”  
“Remember the cameras? It’s already been under your bed. I _know_ you can think gay thoughts.”  
“Oh right. Fergot about that.”

Pickles lay on his bed. Deciding to get right to the point, he stuck his hand down his pants and thought back to band practice earlier. He heard a soft pop, like someone opening a bottle (or removing a butt plug), and knew the monster was there. Rolling over, he leaned out and peeked under the bed. Yep, there it was. His phone was ready, he called Charles, “Hey Charlie, somethin’ under my bed is masturbating.”   
“Is it male of female? Can you tell?”  
“Oh it’s most definitely male.”  
“Okay thanks Pickles. Don’t agitate him, I need to do some more research.”  
“Okie.”  
“And Pickles? Who were you thinking about?”  
“None of your damn business Charlie.”

Charles was somewhat surprised. A fan _guy_? Did such a thing even exist? He went back to that sausage festival site, searching. He really regretted being dragged into reading this world of gay sex orgies that he was far too often a participant in. Seriously, couldn’t these people allow him some dignity? But he had to keep reading, he had to find their monster. He was searching through the 800+ profiles, many of which didn’t even give the user’s sex. It was very slow going. Then way down toward the end, at last he found him. (Damn, he should have started at the bottom of the list.) It was right there on a journal “Monster on the Border.” Some guy named TeratoMarty, and he actually _knew_ what he was. 

It didn’t take Charles long to locate him. He was surprisingly innocent looking, actually. But what to do? His first instinct was to simply eliminate him, but that might only make the problem worse. He need to know more about this fan guy/ monster first, to find out what he might truly be capable of. He returned to his monster research, hoping to find the answers:  
 _It is not advised to kill a monster on the border in it’s human form. If it has grown strong enough, it may be able to escape death by crossing the border permanently. If this happens it will no longer be limited, and will be able to roam freely. By the time most people become aware of them, they are usually at or near this strength, so execution is seldom advisable. Finding and closing the doorway they used is generally felt to be ineffective at this point as well._

Well, it was time to tell them all what he’d learned, they had a right to know. Charles managed to round them all up, and jumped in before anyone’s attention could wander too far. “Okay guys, it looks like we’re stuck with this monster. I’ve learned its other aspect is a fan guy named TeratoMarty. It’s going to keep turning up whenever one of you is.... well.... having homoerotic thoughts.” Skwisgaar looked confused, “What’s that means?” Abandoning all attempts to keep things formal, Charles elaborated, “It means when you think about screwing other guys. Or maybe even just kissing them. Homosexual, gay, fag, whatever you want to call it. Understand?” They all nodded. “But it looks like he can’t really do anything, just lay under your bed and jack off. There’s no need to be worried.” However, they all looked like they thought a monster jacking off under their bed was indeed something to be worried about. 

That night, Murderface decided to try an experiment. What exactly was it that brought the monster? Any gayness at all or just intra-band gayness? He popped in a porno, and tried to imagine fucking the guy in it. No monster. He squinted really hard, and mentally changed the scene and people to band practice.... and heard the distinctive pop. Ah, so that was it. Apparently they were all fantasizing about each other, and only he knew it. He was pretty sure even the robot hadn’t figured out that little detail yet. He wondered who each of them were thinking of. He wondered if any of them were thinking of him.

Skwisgaar was fucking a groupie when he heard the pop. That really pissed him off. He was in the middle of having sex with a woman, how much more un-gay can you get? But his mind had wandered a little, as it often did. Damn that monster for making him acknowledge those passing thoughts that he tried so hard to ignore. This groupie wasn’t doing it, he needed a different one. He threw her out. 

Nathan wasn’t in a groupie mood, just watching a little porn by himself. He heard the pop, but decided he really didn’t care. It was under the bed, he didn’t even have to look at it, very easy to ignore. And he wasn’t really the type to analyze his every thought anyway. 

Pickles was expecting it, and yes he was high. If this monster was going to insist on dropping in, he wanted to get to know it better. When he heard it arrive, he leaned off the bed and greeted it, “Hey monster? Marty, right? Ya wanna come up here and hang out with me?” It gave him what might have been a dirty look, and vanished. Pickles shrugged and lit another joint.

Toki was sleeping on his floor, and had been since the monster first appeared. There was nothing like being told NOT to think about something to make you incapable of thinking of anything but. He didn’t want that thing under his bed, or anywhere near him. But since it only came when he was in bed, he felt safe enough (although not very comfortable) on the floor. This sucked, Charles was supposed to FIX things, not tell him to live with it.

Murderface was highly amused, watching everyone when they were together, trying to figure out who was fantasizing about who. He started fucking with them, being the expert dick that he is. “Shwisgaar, which one of our dicks have you been dreaming about shucking? You’ve shure got the lipsh for it.”   
“I nots thinks about any of yous, that’s sick. I’s not gays.”  
“The monshter under your bed says otherwishe. How about you Toki? You want me?”  
“Eew no Moideface.”  
“Picklesh? Nathan? Hmm guysh? Jusht admit you all want each other. God, you’re all sho represshed.” Murderface left the room, confident he’d planted enough for all hell to break loose.

Pickles was thinking, “Do ya think he knows somethin’ about this that we don’t? He seems pretty sure of himself.” Nathan shook his head, “He’s probably just being a dick, as usual. I mean, you haven’t been fantasizing about one of us, have you?”   
“Um, well... I’d really rather naught talk about that.”  
“Oh shit you totally have been...... Who is it?” Nathan leaned in with an evil grin.  
“No, uh-uh, naught tellin’, naught goin’ there. See ya later.”

Toki had been thinking about this too, “Waits Pickle. We needs to figure out if Moiderface is rights. I will admits I did thinks about one of yous.”   
“Gods Toki, you’s so gays.”  
Nathan stepped up, “Well Skwisgaar, spill it. Have you been fantasizing about one of us?”   
“No, of courses not.” Then he gives up, “Okays, alright, ja I does it. Happys now?”  
Pickles looked at him oddly, “Nah not really, that’s actually.... kinda disturbing to hear. So that’s what Murderface figured out, it’s only there when we think about each other. Gawd.”

Meanwhile, Murderface was back in his room. He had an idea. Since he rarely got any anyway, and there was a clearly horny monster that he could easily summon.... maybe he could have sex with it? Nobody would EVER know. He laid down and summoned it, so far so good. “Hey monshter.... why don’t you come up here with me?” Nothing. “Okay fine, I’ll come to you.” Murderface flopped off the bed onto the floor, and peered at it. The monster seemed to be masturbating worriedly, if such a thing was even possible. He reached under the bed and grabbed it by the dick, “Come here monshter. You _do_ have an asshole, don’t you?” The monster squirmed in surprise, and they abruptly vanished. “Schit.”

Charles noticed the tension in the Haus, nobody wanted to meet anyone else’s eyes. This was not good, this damn monster was fucking with his band. It seemed that they had managed to figure out what the trigger was, he hadn’t told them because he was trying to keep things as peaceful as possible. (Of course _he_ knew.) Well, drastic action was now required. He had finally found their only possible chance to get rid of it, in a footnote:  
 _Since a monster on the border feeds and thrives on suppressed desires, it is sometimes possible to overdose it and drive away by offering it a feast of every twisted fantasy you can possibly think of. In theory, it will be overwhelmed and move on to a new location, somewhere far away._  
Charles knew he would have to do this himself, he couldn’t possible ask one of his boys to. Besides, they all looked to him to fix things, it was his job to fix this now. So, making sure the boys were occupied and would be staying away from their beds, he gathered some energy drinks, protein bars, old security tapes, and a shitload of lube. He locked himself in his room and prepared for a truly marathon session. 

They all stared as, hours later, Charles reemerged, dripping sweat and looking like he’d just been raped by a pack of bigfoots or something. However, there was a triumphant gleam in his very tired eyes. “Well guys, I think we’ve seen the last of our monster. It shouldn’t be a problem anymore.” Toki bounced up, “Yay you fixes it, thanks you Mr. Managers!” Nathan walked over and gave him a clap on the back that was supposed to be congratulatory, but almost sent him to the floor. Skwisgaar and Pickles just looked pleased that everything would go back to normal now. Murderface, who had gotten used to the idea, just muttered quietly to himself, “Schit.”

And so life (mostly) returned to normal, and all was (mostly) well.


End file.
